7 Steps to become the best Lover
Love is so many different things on so many levels. We often use the term loosley based on our conditioning, experience and views of what it actually is and means. Many believe that it’s an emotion or a feeling, some think it’s a state of mind that is the cause of a certain type of action or behavior, for some it’s a fairytale or fantasy like they’ve seen played out countless times on tv and movies, others may feel that it’s a frequency or vibrational rate that creates a certain state of being. In it’s purest form I would say that it’s all of these things and many more. It can and will be different things for different people and no one definition in the english language can define it.
- The first thing to keep in mind is that no matter what it is to you or how you choose to express it, the love that you exude out is only a reflection of what you project from the inside. Self is the Alpha and when you make the loop it becomes the Omega. For those of you that under and overstand that once you complete the micro cosmic orbit of self love you can more readily assimilate this energy with others and create a macro cosmic orbit that is more than harmonious with others. I don’t want get all “outter body” on you guys so early on so we’ll keep it simple by saying the way that you love outwardly(macro orbit) is a direct reflection of how you love inwardly (micro orbit). Always take the responsiblity to work on self. Creating a harmonious balance within self will only make you a better lover.
- Trust is one of the biggest foundational pieces that’s regularly overlooked or underpioritized in our modern relationship structure. Establishing trust is paramount because you can only grow as much as your foundation will allow. How you develop trust is not only through communication (which is next on the list), but most importanly, by action. If you can establish a good bit of this bond early on through interaction, it will only strengthen with time. You don’t have to go out of your way, life happens everyday so be honest, let it grow organically and it will be a lot more stable and have more longevity.
- As I said before communication is such an important part. It acts in relationships like your blood works in the body; carrying all the things it needs to where it needs to get to. There are so many difffernt forms of communication, both verbal and non verbal that you should never bore yourselves. Words are very useful many times, but other times they can be not only redundant be also damaging. Early on they are important to establish trust and as confirmation of what is shared in feelings. As the bond/connection strenghens less words are needed to reach the same point. Men it’s not to say shut down and stop talking because most women desire oral stimulation (yes that kind too, but that’s later in the discussion) and verbal confirmaiton, especially in establishing trust. As I said before there are many forms of communication, many based in action. Something as simple as a touch or expression can deliver more information than a mouthful of words. As you get to know your partner (next on the agenda) better and better you’ll learn to communicate without opening your mouths.
- Learning, knowing and growing with your partner is a major contributor to the success of healthy relationships and being a good lover. It pretty much works in that order. As you learn and get to know one another growth is a natural process. Where we often run into problems at is when the channels of communication aren’t open, which causes a disnonnect which can lead to you growing in different directions. Some things you talk about and plan and some will come on it’s own, embrace it all and take from it what is useful and leave the rest. Most importantly is to stay on the same page with your vision and actions, and you will continually grow together in that direction. Do things together and apart (self growth is contiunually important), create a healthy balance that works for you both.
- Eat together as much as possible. We view eating as only nourishment and social communion, and it’s so much more. It became only those things after we forgot the root of it. It literally creates a harmony and synchronicity between people that share food, especially living foods. The more alive the food is the more energy it will retain which in turn creates a harmonic balance between those that share it. I noticed it long ago in my personal relationships; everything was always more harmonious when we did certain things together, mainly eating. I’ve seen with my own eyes couples that separated because one adopted a diet that the other didn’t accept, as well as relationships formed over the stove. Take the time to prepare meals together, sit with no television by the light of a fire or candle and enjoy. If it’s not a lot of talking don’t worry about it, it only means that you made magic happen together and the food is good.
- Life happens all around us everyday, continually, no doubt. Having a partner working with you; in unison, aspiring to get to the same places and accomplish the same things on your life journey is something most people can only imagine. With so many of lifes distractions it is not easy to connect with someone on the levels needed achieve this level of symbiosis. That’s because so many of us spend too much time looking for that person instead of being that person. We all have it in us to be, that’s why the self work is so important. Once you learn to attend to your own needs and desires you become that much better and more receptive at catering to others. You have to start off selfish, and this is usually the time you will spend alone, single, before you attract the other half of the equation. Self “ish” means first learning yourself then doing the things that you know are best for your “self” to move you to the next level. Once you master this and join in unison with someone else then comes the mastery of selflessness. This is where you, without harming self, learn to prioritize the needs and desires of your other half. They say that relationships are 50/50 and that may be somewhat true but some days,weeks, months they may be 70/30 or any other combination of numbers which means that one person may have to contribute more in an area that the other is deficient or lacking. In return the other person may be doing the same in a differnet area, but it all balances out. If you keep being consistent in your actions, teaching by example, it strengthens the other person and vice versa. This is where trust is developed and growth is fueled. This opens up so many other doors of opportunity for exploration, including the bedroom which is next. Before we get to that I want to close with what I started with via The Ant Story. One ant can easily carry 10 times it’s weight, but get two together and that number shoots up to 100 times. A little food for thought.
- Finally we get to what most of you probably thought this whole article was about to begin with; physical intamacy. All of these things that we’ve discussed so far play a major role in what trasnpires behind closed doors. If you’ve done these things right I’m sure by now you’ve probably experienced places where doors don’t even exist. And I do mean that literally and metaphorically. That same trust that you build in the other areas of the relationship transition over to the bedroom. When you have that trust established intamacy become like pandoras box of treasures. If the different channels of communication are open, you’re honest with each other, attentive and in tune with yourself and one another I assure you that your sexual exploration will have no horizon or limits. Add a little seasoning like The Kama Sutra and tantra into your gumbo and you’ve got a few years of ground to cover with that. Take your time, enjoy yourself and each other, and thank me for it later.
Peace and Love, keep it Whole-listic.